Investigating the Orient Express murder of Sen. Lindsey Graham. MAGA is on it.
PM Carpenter
“A mystery opened up, and cracks began to appear in the narrative. It started with four words” — a brief and sudden illness. So begins a pettifogging MAGAneer’s “analysis” of Sen. Lindsey Graham’s death.
Evidently the Trumpian shyster thinks a degree in law confers expert knowledge of linguisitics, lexicography and philology, for he scoffs at the “moronic media’s” usage of “brief and sudden illness,” which he declares an “oxymoron.” It’s not. “Brief” equates to short, “sudden” suggests unexpected brevity.
This Bombastic Bushkin of MAGAland is even more ignorant about medical science; no surprise there, since he raves almost daily about the Covid scam and vaccine evils. This morning, though, his chronic medical ignorance is acute.
He conflates “aortic dissection,” which was Graham’s affliction, with “heart attack” — different events. He also informs his subscribers that the latter, whose duration can be hourslong, is “virtually instantaneous,” which, he continues, proves just how “nonsensical” and “contradictory” the “moronic media’s” description of Sen. Graham’s brief and sudden illness is.
Having laid before the bench of intelligent readers the evidentiary foundation that the MAGAneering Substacker, Esq., is an absolute idiot, I believe what follows from the aforementioned is easily anticipated. Your Honors, I quote (italics, original):
Calling heart attacks “brief illnesses” is not only dumb as rocks, but that phrase has always been deployed as a cover-up. During 2021-2023, those four words covered up thousands of people dying suddenly from jabs. Nowadays, those words are less associated with the jabs, but they still signal some sort of cover-up.
Bingo, ding-ding-ding and, for a subscription-profiting Substacker, ching-ching. Yes, we’ve entered yet another realm of a kind of Fauci fraudence or stolen-election terrain: ingeniously dunderheaded conspiracy theories of extraordinary skulduggery spawned by a take-your-fucking-pick paternity. For one is as good as another to the booboisie of sequacious MAGAland.
Why, hell, Big Daddy Trump “told the media he’d spoken to Graham ‘hours after he got back from Ukraine’ and ‘sounded fine,’ ” observes our guide to really bizarre, highly suspicious doings. That alone — the divine Donald’s diagnosis — says a lot. Yes? (Any no’s, see exits from the MAGAneer’s Substacking comedy-of-errors theatre; attendance at all insider-knowledge showings is quite exclusive.)
What’s more, he muses, “Graham’s media team had posted plenty of pictures from his trip to Ukraine, and in every one, Graham looked perfectly fine.” (So did NBC’s “Meet the Press” Tim Russert on 13 June 2008 just before his brief and sudden death.) And, asks Bushkin, what about this? “[Graham] was all set to appear on Meet the Press first thing Sunday morning.”
Translation in Bushkin’s head: A scheduled “MTP” appearance is an irrevocable guarantee against imminent death.
Then — here it comes — a slimy, slithering, lickspittling non-confirming confirmation: “I’m not saying it can’t happen. It’s just weird…. It’s inconsistent.”
Graham’s death is more consistent with another rare option that might be slightly less rare for a public official who’s just returned from a war zone: top-tier assassination. For example, a potassium chloride injection —undetectable after death— induces a normal-looking heart attack. Others have mentioned microwave weapons, like improved versions of the ones used against US diplomats in Havana.
No. No no no a thousand times no. Much more likely, Jewish space lasers. Geez, where you been, boy? (Not to mention those “MTP” dots.)
Ah, but then, oh my God, there’s more. Something of a clincher, it would seem. “By this point, the evidence for foul play was curious, but it wasn’t quite there. Too thin. Too speculative. Which is why I was ready to close the case.” But — enter famed super-sleuth Kash Patel. Let’s face it, says our pathfinder to truth, “A federal counterintelligence investigation is totally inconsistent with a ‘brief and sudden illness.’ ” (Bold and emphasis, mine.)
Do the idiot’s ravings end there? Of course not. Because our brain-damaged Inspector Poirot by night, fearless MAGAneering lawyer by early morn, did some “research,” he says. And it just could be that “the Russians assassinated Graham”; or “the Ukrainians assassinated Graham”; or “the Iranians assassinated Graham”; or the Israelis assassinated Graham”; or “the Chinese assassinated Graham”; or “the Drug Cartels assassinated Graham.”
Or — and this, he says, is “probably the most likely explanation” — “his own heart [there it is again] assassinated Lindsay Graham. (Maybe with an mRNA assist.)” You got it: also likely, the Covid vaccine.
He misspells “Lindsey” eight times. In fact, not once does he get it right. But he’s pretty damn sure he knows what killed somebody by the name of Lindsay Graham, the poor devil.
How much does this MAGAneering clown reap from his paying subscribers (out of more than 200,000) for his daily downpours of remorseless imbecilities? Fifty bucks a month.
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